Friday, September 18, 2009

CNN reports...

Last Wednesday it was discovered, and CNN promptly reported about this badass planet.


But if you don't have the time to educate yourself, no worries. [Dr.] Dru Johnston is here to explain to you the most important parts. Then he's going to dissect this news like it's an owl pellet with mouse bones in it just waiting to be taken apart in order to put together the rad ass mouse inside. That's Science. You dig?

What you need to know:
  • The Planet is called CoRoT-7b
  • It's the first planet we've discovered outside of the solar system that's rocky.
  • The planet moves like a fucking cheetah, except if it was racing a cheetah the cheetah would loose and suffocate in the depths of outerspace. By this I mean the planet moves fast.
  • Atmosphere? I think not!
  • Half the planet is molten, the other half is ice. Katy Perry actually discovered this planet before scientists did and made a hit song about it.
  • There is an entire colony of intelligent life forms who now reside on the planet and they keep humans hostage as slaves so they can learn about their weapons. They call the human camp District 8. Everything they do is filmed like it's in a documentary.
  • One of these facts is false. GUESS WHICH ONE!

Alright, now with the astronomical knowledge I learned from the mother fucking streets [Dr.] Dru Johnston is gonna tell you the truth about this little gem.

Space... prepared to get raped. Raped by knowledge.

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